The End of the World
by onlyonceinforever
Summary: What would happen if the SVU team came to teach at a local high school? All right, it's not so local since it's mine, and I'm nowhere near New York. Funny stuff ensues once the SVU obsessed find out. :ON TEMPORARY HIATUS:
1. Chemistry

**Disclaimer: Okay, okay, I'll actually do a real one here. For once. Well, maybe not, since I would say that any recognizable characters don't belong to me, but if you've read my other fics like this, you should recognize some of them, mainly Ashley, Kerri, and Celia. And I don't own the SVU kids and whatnot.**

**Note to the readers: All right, I know how nicknames can get really confusing, so here's a nice little chart to help you get through the highly complex issues of this story. I hope.**

**Ashley is Padfoot and Olivia**

**Kerri is Cassidy**

**Celia is Wormtail**

**Chelsea (who may or may not actually get in here) is Moony**

**Hope that helps! On to the story!**

**The End of the World**

**Chapter One**

"Hey Wormtail!" Ashley yelled down the desolate hallway. "Have you seen whatsherface?"

Celia stopped and turned around, waiting for Ashley to catch up to her.

"That was awfully specific of you," she commented with a smirk. Ashley's response was to stick her tongue out like the mature junior she was.

"I know, right? The one with the ness."

"Moony?"

"No, not Moony. If I had wanted Moony, I would have said I wanted Moony. Since I didn't say I wanted Moony, obviously I don't want Moony. I want the other one."

Celia, kudos to her, actually comprehended this. Or, at least she did a smashing job of pretending she did.

"Kerri?"

"Cassidy! That's it! That's the one!" Ashley snapped her fingers excitedly.

"Nope. Haven't seen her."

"You're no help, you know that?"

Celia smiled evilly.

"Uh huh."

The pair skulked their way down to their first period chemistry class. There, waiting for them, was none other than the person in question.

"Cassidy!" Ashley shrieked, glomping the girl.

"Olivia!" Kerri squealed, glomping her back.

"Why are you here?" Celia asked, interrupting the joyful reunion.

"And why are we so damn perky?" Ashley asked, realizing that none of them had gotten any coffee or alternate form of caffeine thus-far.

"Because I'm in all your classes today, that's why!" Kerri said cheerily. Before they could ask why, the question was answered for them. "Don't ask me why, that's what the guidance office told me and I didn't question it."

"Good plan." Ashley said, looking considerably happier about being up and educated (mostly unsuccessfully) at such an inhumane hour of the morning. Celia nodded her agreement.

Of course, just then, the bell rang.

"I thought we were late, like, ten minutes ago..." Ashley said, looking very confused.

"Whatever." Kerri responded. "Don't knock it."

"Who said anything about knocking it?" Ashley asked as they filed into their classroom and found their seats. Well, Ashley and Celia found their seats, this being their regular class and all, and Kerri just kind of sat in an empty chair behind Ashley.

"All right, kids, let's take attendance," the teacher said in something of a monotone. Kerri and Ashley, who had been talking avidly about the episode of Law and Order that had been on the night before, perked up at the sound of the teacher's voice.

"Hey..." Ashley said slowly, "Doesn't that kinda sorta sound like..."

"Yeah, it kinda does." Kerri responded. "But it couldn't be, right?"

The girls stared at each other for a moment before slowly turning around and getting an eyeful of their new teacher. He was wearing all black for the most part, from his dress pants to fancy jacket. The thing that really hit them, however, was the sunglasses the man was wearing indoors.

"Holy shit!" they shrieked at a decibel that humans really shouldn't have to endure, especially at that hour of the morning, "It's Munch!"

At the sound of his voice, John Munch looked in their direction.

"Yes?"

The girls stared at him, then back at each other, then back to him, eyes bulging, mouths wide open. Celia, who seemed to have a decent grasp of what was going on, groaned.

"Not this again..."

Before anyone had the chance to ask what she meant by "again", Kerri and Ashley simultaneously let out an ear piercing shriek. They vaulted out of their seats and jumped over a few backpacks before they got to the front of the room. When they did, they launched themselves at the teacher, who really wasn't a teacher at all. In fact, it was none other than Special Victims Unit Detective John Munch, smart-ass god.

Munch looked down skeptically at the two teens who were now latched onto him for dear life.

"Somehow I knew this was going to happen..." he muttered, followed by something about government conspiracies.

Two minutes later, the girls showed no signs of loosening their death grip. Munch shrugged and decided to just work around them.

"All right, then, kids, here's what we're going to do today - talk about how the government is trying to steal all our DNA and clone us in order to provide the country with an army of super-clones that will end up taking over the world and killing all the real humans due to our inferior intellect."

From her position on Munch's side, Ashley groaned.

"He's kidding right? If I have to sit through another deranged conspiracy theory, I'm gonna shoot something."

"Shh!" Kerri said, intently. "I wanna hear this."

Ashley smacked her head into Munch's shoulder, as if she was trying to hit herself in the head but didn't want to move her arms and let her prey escape.

So, for the next thirty seven minutes or so (but who's counting?), Munch rambled on and on about government conspiracies and the like. Ashley, as well as the majority of the rest of the class, took the opportunity to catch up on some much-needed sleep. Kerri, however, listened intently the entire time, despite the fact that her arms were starting to get tired.

When the bell finally rang, the class filed out of the room, glad to finally be away from the mindless droning. Kerri, Ashley, and Celia remained behind, however. The only reason for this can be attributed to the fact that Ashley and Kerri were still latched onto Munch and probably would have trouble letting go even if they wanted to, and Celia was deciding to be nice and wait for Ashley so they could walk to the second of their six common classes together. Besides, she kinda felt bad for the detective; no one should have to be subjected to the likes of her friends. No body. Not even that moron Voldemort.

Munch looked down at the girls again.

"So, um, I don't suppose you two would be willing to get off me now?"

The girls shook their heads cheerily.

"Nope."

"What if I gave you As?"

"No. Tempting, but no. Bribing doesn't work on us."

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course it does." Ashley said incredulously.

"All right, yeah, it does. Just not right now." Kerri added.

"Unless you want to give us coffee," Ashley stuck in. "In which case we'll be out of your way in no time flat."

"But I don't have coffee." Munch said pathetically, looking for all the world that if only he had some, life would be so much better.

"Then we're not going anywhere."

"But Ashley!" Celia protested, "We have to go to Psych."

Ashley's eyes lit up at the prospect of going to her favorite class.

"Ooh, that's right! We're supposed to be psychoanalyzing people, right? I wanna psychoanalyze Mr. Livsey!" (**A/N: Just so you know, Mr. Livsey is one of my all-time favorite teachers, who very conveniently teaches the only AP Psychology course my school offers.)**

"Don't count on it." Munch said, desperate for a way out of his current predicament.

"Meaning what, exactly?" Ashley asked, immediately suspicious of the concept that her beloved Mr. Livsey wasn't there.

"Meaning I'll tell you if and only if you get the hell off me." Munch said with a very unMunch-like evil smirk.

Kerri and Ashley exchanged looks, then slowly released him.

"That's better..." Munch sighed, looking relieved.

"Now tell me what the hell you meant!" Ashley demanded, never one to be kept in suspense.

"Oh, only that he's not going to be there."

"And who is?" Suspicious looks were exchanged all around

"Someone else."

"You really piss me off sometimes, you know that, Munch?"

Munch smiled coyly.

"I try."

Before any of the girls could come up with some smart-ass response to that, Chelsea walked in the room.

"Guys, we're going to be late if we don't hurry."

"Well, Moony, then we're just going to be late because I for one flat-out refuse to leave until this asshole provides me with some answers!" Ashley stated angrily.

"Hey!" Kerri shrieked. "Don't call Munch an asshole!"

"I will if you stop constantly bashing Elliot and my darling Cassidy!"

"Yeah, well, I will when you stop trying to kill off Casey and Huang!"

"Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen!"

While Kerri and Ashley were heatedly debating the issue, Celia, Chelsea, and Munch exchanged looks. Finally, Munch sighed and said,

"Go to class and you'll see one of them."

Immediately, both bickering girls turned to him.

"Really? Which one?"

"Is it Elliot? Please please please please please please please tell me it's Elliot!"

"It's not going to be Elliot, you dope, so stop thinking it!"

"Shut up!"

"Me shut up? You shut up!"

This again went on for a while. Eventually, the bell rang, and both girls looked expectantly at Munch.

"Can we have a pass?"

Munch stared at them.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"But-"

"Go to class!" Munch bellowed, quite uncharacteristically. The girls cowered behind each other and exchanged frightened looks. Then, roughly two seconds later, they were out the door and sprinting to their psychology class.


	2. Psychology

**Disclaimer:** **Mmm, I own the F I'm going to be getting in most of my classes for neglecting homework for fanfiction. That's about it, except for Ashley, Celia, and Chelsea, and really I only own Ashley. But sometimes the others let me think I own them.**

**Chapter 2**

Kerri and Ashley skidded to a stop outside Ashley's second period psychology class, panting slightly. Celia and Chelsea turned up not long after, not nearly as winded, since they hadn't just sprinted the entire way from the science wing. I'm starting to think they're the smart ones of the bunch...

Anyway, so Kerri and Ashley entered the room quickly, only to be pulled back by Celia, who demanded they skip to their seats. They did, receiving the usual strange looks from the few in the class who weren't used to it by now.

Just as soon as Ashley reached her seat, she tossed her backpack heavily on the chair, forgetting momentarily that her precious CD player was still in there and turned excitedly to the front of the room. Kerri's gaze followed hers and the reaction was relatively similar to the one last period.

"Georgie!"

"Ass wipe!"

Both girls launched themselves at the man, who was none other than George Huang, stupid-ass psychiatrist guy, much like they did in just about all of Ashley's stories involving such encounters. Only this time, there was no Elliot to restrain Ashley, and both girls crashed into Huang fairly hard. An audible rush of air was heard as the three hit the ground.

Kerri was squealing like a guinea pig in heat as Ashley was desperately trying to punch Huang in the face. Celia and Chelsea observed the spectacle for a moment before looking away in shame. The rest of the class, however, had their eyes glued to the tussle, unable to look away.

"Think we should call someone?" one kid, Chris, who knew Ashley from band, asked.

"Nah." some other kid, Heather, who went to the winter dance with Ashley's best friend's crush, said, "Let's let them duke it out."

Ashley paused in her beating of Huang and looked up for a moment at the sound of this.

"'Let's let them duke it out'? Did you really just say that?"

Heather nodded. Ashley shrugged.

"All righty then." Then she went back to attempting to beat the snot out of Huang.

Just then, Donald Cragen came running into the room. The girls stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

"What are you doing here?" Ashley asked, since Kerri was still too busy tending to poor Huangy-poo's wounds to say anything. "You're not supposed to come, Elliot is."

"Actually," Kerri corrected, finally taking notice, "Elliot's supposed to come _before_ you beat the crap out of Huang, remember? He restrains you and you get all happy, and..." she trailed off, since Ashley was very obviously no longer paying attention and was off in la-la land, thinking about her stories. Really, who could blame her?

There was a momentary pause as the girls came to yet another realization.

"Cragen!" They shouted simultaneously, getting off of Huang and glomping Cragen.

Cragen, as was to be expected, just kinda stood there looking confused.

"What's going on here?" he asked, looking at Huang for an answer.

"Don't let him answer!" Ashley shrieked, trying to cover her ears with her shoulders, "It's just gonna be psychobabble and my ears are gonna bleed!"

As was to be expected, she got a roomful of strange looks.

"Ashley, don't you want to be a psychologist?" Chelsea asked, looking confused.

"Mm. What's your point?"

"Nothing."

"Mmhmm, that's what I thought."

There was actually a full minute of silence before the next question came.

"Hey, Don," Kerri said, slowly.

"Don? Charlie? Numb3ers? Where?" Ashley looked around frantically. Everyone who knew her groaned, everyone who didn't, well, they did too. Kerri, for one, decided to ignore her and continue on with her question.

"What are you doing here? I mean, shouldn't you be, you know, solving crimes and whatnot back in New York?"

Ashley stared at her, surprised.

"Wow, good question. For once."

Kerri slapped her in the arm. Ashley promptly shut up.

"Don, the answer, please?"

Cragen stared at her, but eventually answered.

"Because we are."

Ashley, Kerri, Celia, and Chelsea stared at him. The rest of the class stared at them, since they _still_ had no idea what was going on.

"Because that wasn't vague in the slightest." Ashley muttered.

"We're here, and that is all you are required to know." Huang said.

Ashley turned to him and sent a glare full of daggers in his general direction. He didn't say much after that.

"I hate shrinks, don't you?" she said to no one in particular.

"No!" Kerri exclaimed, switching her glomp to Huang.

"I wasn't asking you." Ashley snapped. When no one else answered (since they were all pretty much too freaked out by her to want to), she said, "Damn it, where's Elliot when you need him?"

"Actually," Cragen said, finally providing some useful information for once. "He's teaching health."

"Health!" Ashley exclaimed. "I don't even take health!"

"We could crash the class," Kerri suggested.

"Ooh, I like this plan," Ashley responded with an evil grin. "Thank God I'm not taking it this year. I don't wanna learn about sex ed with Mrs. Weller." She shuddered violently.

"Who's Mrs. Weller?" Huang asked, idiotically opening his mouth as curiosity got the better of him. Ashley spared him a quick glare before responding.

"What did I say about you talking? Anyways, she was my middle school health teacher who I _hated_. With a passion. Almost more than I hate you." The last sentence was directed in Huang's direction. "But not quite."

The majority of the rest of the class shuddered as well at the painful memories. There was another moment of dead silence as they relieved those horrible three years. Then it was broken by Cragen.

"George, do you think you can handle this from here?"

"Whaaaaaaat?" Kerri and Ashley exclaimed simultaneously. "You're leaving?"

Cragen nodded.

"I have a class to teach. So does George." With that, he unlatched Ashley from him and walked out across the hall. Ashley and Celia observed the room he went into and Ashley groaned.

"Ah, man, we actually have to _learn_ in history? That sucks." Ashley sat down in her seat and pouted, while George unsuccessfully attempted to remove Kerri from him. In the end, it took the combined efforts of Celia, Chelsea, and Huang to get her off. Ashley would have helped, but was too busy sulking to care.

"So, now, class, we are going to learn about the effects a hippocampal disfunction can have on the way we lead our daily lives. Now, if you'd refer to page ninety four in your texts..." he continued on in that damned passive aggressive voice of his, and Ashley slowly drifted off to sleep, noting that his voice was a good one to sleep to, if you could get over the wanting to bash his skull into something hard and concrete, that is.

Before she knew it, the bell rang and Celia was stabbing her with a sharpened pencil.

"What the hell are you doing to me?" she exclaimed, jumping up and snatching the pencil at the same time.

"It's time to go to history." Celia said, gesturing to the clock-door area.

"Oh. Well you could have just said that in the first place." Ashley said, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "But we're stopping at my locker first. If we're not actually learning anything, there's no need to carry around fifty pound textbooks, now is there?"

Kerri was about to protest that her friend had previously stated that they would indeed be learning during history, and had then proceeded to curse colorfully about it, but refrained from comment.

They strode out into the hallway to Ashley's locker, Ashley glaring meanly at Huang the entire time he was in an eyeshot. She dumped all her books and binders in, then, as an afterthought, shoved the entire bag in the already-crowded locker.

"All right, off to history we go."


	3. History

**Disclaimer: I own the ouchie I got from running into the bathroom door this afternoon. And Ashley. And some other random stuff, but none of that really pertains to this story in the slightest. God, I wish I owned Jonny Was...**

**A/N: I know you all love this story, and whatnot, and I would just like to apologize in advance for the lack of updates. It's not just this fic, but rather everything fanfiction related that I have shut my mind to. The reasoning behind this is fairly simple - I'm doing really poorly in school right now. And I mean REALLY poorly. I basically attribute this to spending way too much time writing fanfiction and way not enough time studying and the like. So, I apologize, but school has to come first. On to the story! (Not that any of you actually read this entire thing anyway...) **

**Chapter 3**

Considering the fact that Ashley, Celia, and Kerri's next class was just across the hall from their last one, they managed to arrive pretty much on time. Well, at least, originally they did. Their stuff was strewn over their desks at the correct time, and everything, but they just weren't there physically. This can be attributed to one thing - Ashley's freakishly small bladder.

Yes, the three of them were in the process of making a customary trip to the bathroom when the second bell rang. They didn't care all that much. After all, they were late all the time for history, and their teacher never seemed to care. What they forgot was that Mr. Scudder wasn't their teacher that day, as Kerri so ingeniously pointed out on the way back down the hallway.

"Hey, guys, we're late."

Celia and Ashley stared at her.

"Yeah... And your point is...?"

"We're really late."

Celia and Ashley exchanged meaningful looks.

"Again, your point is...?"

"We're gonna get in trouble."

"No, we're not. Wormtail and I are late to every class on a daily basis. Scudder never cares."

"But Scudder's not the teacher today, now is he?"

Both regular third period girls stopped dead in their tracks, frozen in shock.

"Oh shit..." Ashley muttered. After all, we all know how bitchy substitutes can be compared to the regular, nice, laid back, easy going teachers.

"Mm..." Celia murmured worriedly. "We're screwed, aren't we?"

"If Cragen's the teacher, which I'm relatively sure he is," Ashley said, eyes wide, "Then yeah. We're screwed."

With that, Ashley and Celia took off at record speed down the hall, leaving poor Kerri standing there momentarily. It wasn't long before they all came to a screeching halt in the doorway of their classroom. Why did they stop in the hallway? Why, good question. That would be because the door was closed. And locked. Can't forget about locked.

Ashley stared at the locked handle forlornly.

"I feel very unloved right about now..." she muttered dejectedly.

"Quite," Celia concurred.

Kerri was in the process of trying very hard to bite back some snide comment about how she was right and they should have listened to her in the first place when she told them they were going to be late. That was shot when she sighted Cragen inside the room, standing at the board, writing something on it.

"See?" she exclaimed, close to hysterics, "He's already started class and probably won't let us in now! I blame you!" She pointed at Ashley, who looked scandalized.

"Me?" Ashley cried loudly, "How is this my fault? I can't help it if I have a small bladder!"

Before Celia could smartly point out that the little bathroom trip may have been avoidable if Ashley hadn't ingested an entire large cup of coffee from Starbucks that morning, Cragen noticed the girls standing outside, bickering. He very calmly walked over to the door and stood there, making no move to unlock it and let the girls come in. Instead, he just stared at them in a disappointed manner, making them feel very crummy about themselves indeed.

Eventually, he got tired of doing that, since he got enough practice having to employ the technique on Elliot when the detective started going a bit neurotic. He opened the door from the inside, allowing the girls in. They jumped on the opportunity to enter and sit, since they were very lazy people.

Once they had taken their seats, Cragen resumed the disappointed staring. Ashley and Celia exchanged "shoot me now" looks before simultaneously sighing deeply. Kerri hit them both hard over the head with a particularly heavy textbook that just happened to be sitting on her desk. Ashley and Celia took the opportunity to nurse their new wounds as Cragen finally spoke.

"What are your names?"

All three girls exchanged looks before responding shyly.

"Kerri Bailey."

"Ashley Whitworth."

"Celia Snape." It took a sharp glare from the other two for Celia to realize her mistake. "Allen." she remanded quickly.

"I see." Cragen said in a rather condescending manner. Then he said something else, but Kerri and Ashley were both too busy trying to recall a moment on the show when Cragen had ever been condescending. Apparently, it wasn't all that important, since the rest of the class had begun zoning out. The girls tuned back in just in time to hear him say, "Are we clear?"

Ashley and Kerri risked quick glances before responding with a slightly cynical, "Yes, sir."

"Good," Cragen said, "Now, on to more important matters..."

At this point, as was to be expected with children with abnormally short attention spans, the girls stopped paying attention. Instead, they turned to Celia and asked, "What was he talking about just then?"

Celia racked her memory for the event that had taken place so very long ago. Her look was blank for a moment while this was going on, but shortly thereafter changed to one of knowledge.

"Something about how disappointed he was and how we should be not happy with ourselves, and if one of his guys ever tried to pull that they would be put on a desk and how it should never happen again. Or something like that."

Ashley and Kerri looked enlightened.

"Ooooooooh!" Ashley said sarcastically, "And here I was thinking it was something of relative importance. Stupid me."

They sat there in silence for a while, half listening to what Cragen was saying (not that they would have been able to repeat any of it back later), half spacing out. Of course, what they were spacing out on was a different matter entirely, but we won't go into that. Then suddenly, and completely randomly, something happened.

Of course, this is no ordinary type of something, since nothing is in cases such as this. No, this something was something quite different than past somethings any of our characters had ever experienced. And I shall tell you why. This something was such a different something because someone who doesn't even go to that school suddenly and rather randomly went sprinting down the hallway, arms flailing in the air, screaming something about how the chickens want to take his soul and eat it for dinner. Told you it wasn't a normal something.

Ashley leaned forward in her chair to get a better look at the scene in the hallway, as did the majority of the rest of the class. As if anticipating that people would want a second look, the eccentric figure went by a second time. This time, Ashley was able to put a name to the screaming and flailing.

"Hey, is that Matt?" she asked, looked both amused and confounded at the same time.

The other girls shrugged. After all, they would have no way of knowing, since they had never met this 'Matt'. Cragen, against his better judgment, decided to inquire as to who this 'Matt' person was.

"Who is this 'Matt' person of which you speak?" he asked in a very unCragen-ish manner.

Ashley barely spared him a glance before responding with a smirk as the figure went by again.

"Matt's my bassist. Why he's in our school when he lives in Windsor Locks is _way_ beyond me." She snickered as the door to Huang's classroom swung open and hit Matt in the face as he was running by. He didn't seem to be hurt, though, since he got right back up and almost started running and flailing again. The reason he didn't, however, was this - Ashley had since jumped up from her seat, pushed the door to her classroom open, leaned out the door, and asked, "Hey Matt, what cha doin'?"

Matt turned to her with a cheeky grin.

"Running down the hallway flailing my arms and screaming that a chicken is going to steal my soul and eat it for dinner."

Ashley shrugged.

"Ah. As long as there's a good explanation. Hey, your face isn't, like, broken or anything, is it?"

Matt shook his head cheerily.

"Nope."

"Good. Cuz I might just have to kill you if you couldn't play bass anymore. Then I'd have to revive you and kill you again."

Matt winked roguishly before continuing on his way. Ashley turned back to the class and strode back to her seat, where the majority of the class was staring at her. She ignored them and turned to Kerri and Celia.

"That was Matt, by the way." she stated happily.

"Yeah, got that." Celia pointed out.

"Good," Ashley said with a smirk. "That's what I thought. So, where were we in the whole learning thing?"

Cragen didn't respond for a moment, partially because he wasn't aware that the question had been directed toward him, mostly because he was too preoccupied attempting to determine why these people were still allowed to roam free in the public. Eventually he gave up since his head hurt from all the thinking and responded.

"Ah, yes, the learning. We were just about to discuss the..." Something else came after that, but abnormally short attention spans only allow for so much on one topic. The girls spaced out on their respective topics while Cragen droned on about God-knows-what until the bell rang. Then they perked up.

"What's next?" Kerri asked Ashley and Celia, since it was their schedule they were following, after all.

"Um... good question." Ashley said, thinking hard. Celia was kind enough to provide the answer for her.

"Gym."

All three girls looked rather put out for a moment at the prospect of being forced to endure a rather painful amount of torture for the next forty minutes. Ashley typically liked gym, but was definitely not a fan of running the mile week after week. Kerri perked up when a thought came to her.

"But we probably don't have to really do anything, since the regular teachers aren't there."

Celia and Ashley had to admit that she had made a highly valid point. Then they promptly skip/sprinted down the stairs to the gym, where their next class waited.

**Sorry about the rather OOCness. I wasn't really focused when I wrote this, which explains the whole thing with Matt. That, and I told him I would. Cuz he rocks. Anyway, sorry about the lack of real Cragen-ness, but he got a lot in the previous chapter, and we can't have one character getting more screen-time than the others, now can we/waits for Elliot's class where she'll be proved the biggest hypocrite ever/**


End file.
